What is the magic formula for lasting love? Is it candlelit dinners, matching pajamas, or a joint hobby in stamp collecting? While those might help, couples with a lifetime of happiness behind (and ahead) of them swear by something far more fundamental—and yes, a little more surprising. Get ready for the Allegory of the Stool. No, it’s not a new furniture trend: it’s Juan David Nasio’s bold metaphor for the four irreducible rules couples lean on for enduring happiness.
The Foundation: Love and Complementarity
Let’s start with the basics: what is love, anyway? Beyond fluttering hearts and inside jokes, love is the sturdy thread binding two people together in a lasting union. But the plot thickens—because for a true couple to exist, there must be both love and difference. In other words, a couple needs two individuals who are different and complementary, who play different roles (the masculine and the feminine), no matter their biological sex. Sometimes, people in a couple can seem like strangers to each other, even outright hostile. And yet, as mysterious and occasionally maddening as our beloved may be, life without them is simply unimaginable.
The Allegory of the Stool: Four Pillars of Lasting Love
Now, let’s tackle Juan David Nasio’s ingenious take: love is like a four-legged stool. (Stay with us here.) The stability of a couple, its capacity to endure and flourish, depends on four essential pillars or ‘legs’. Remove one, and prepare for a wobbly ride.
- Sexuality: Let’s be honest, it’s the all-important first leg. Sexual intimacy isn’t just a bonus; it’s foundational, the energy and vitality that infuses the relationship with life.
- Mutual Admiration: The second leg is the respectful glow two partners shine on each other. Admiration is about seeing—and cherishing—the unique value in your partner, and receiving the same in return.
- Rituals: The third leg? Those daily, weekly, or annual routines that create a shared rhythm. Rituals anchor a couple, carving out moments of connection in the bustle of existence—nay, even banal routines can become sacred in their own way!
- Mobility of Roles: And finally, the fourth leg: flexibility. For a couple to last, each partner must be able (and willing) to move within the space of roles inside the relationship, sometimes embracing traits or duties that aren’t their default setting. This adaptability means the famous ‘masculine’ and ‘feminine’ roles are not fixed to biology, and their interchange allows balance and resilience.
There you have it: sexuality, admiration, rituals, and flexibility. Simple? Not exactly. But sturdy and vital as a well-built chair.
Mutual Concessions and the Right to Solitude
Even with the perfect four-legged stool, life throws curveballs. A lasting union, the kind that weathers seasons and storms, also relies on an extra ingredient: the ability to make mutual concessions. No one gets everything their own way, and wise partners know when to compromise. Just as important, each person’s necessary solitude must be respected. Love doesn’t mean living in each other’s pockets. Space is not a threat to the relationship—it’s what gives it breathing room.
Love’s Paradox: The Person Who Lifts and Limits Us
There’s an enduring truth at the heart of all this: our beloved is the person who draws out the very best in us. They inspire and elevate—and yet, precisely because they are ‘other’, they set boundaries, rein in some desires, and even, at times, bring us pain. This is not tragic: it’s the paradox of intimate relationships. Loving means embracing both the possibility of expansion and the inevitable reality of friction.
So, as you contemplate your own couple-stool (no assembly required), don’t forget to check all four legs. Cherish difference, court admiration, honor your rituals, and stay supple in your roles. And when the seat feels a little wobbly, remember: concessions and a dash of solitude might be just what you need for another decade of happiness together.
John is a curious mind who loves to write about diverse topics. Passionate about sharing his thoughts and perspectives, he enjoys sparking conversations and encouraging discovery. For him, every subject is an invitation to discuss and learn.
